This year has been quite the emotional rollercoaster. To the point that reflecting on 2020 produces nothing but feelings of ambivalence. I’m still processing I suppose; unsure of what I’ve experienced, filled with varying degrees of hope and uncertainty about the future. With 2021 rapidly approaching, I’m suddenly overwhelmed with thoughts of this year’s past. It has gone by so fast, yet, so slow. January 2020 seems like it happened both yesterday and a lifetime ago, a seemingly smooth transition into a new year that turned out to be an absolute disaster. Or did it?

This year actually started off great, at least for me. In December of 2019, I was let go from a job that I absolutely hated. It was a full time salary position as a personal trainer, with benefits, at a private personal training studio. Every trainer’s dream, right? Not having to sell yourself, or training packages, just show up and work with clients. I even received paid time off and health insurance through the company I worked for. And if you’ve worked, or work, in fitness, then you know this is rare. After spending years hustling at commercial gyms without any benefits at all, this seemed like the right fit, at least at the time.

Fast forward over two years later and I was feeling physically and emotionally drained. The early mornings and late nights of split shifts, the stagnant environment, the seemingly endless coddling and “quick fixes” to appease clients instead of providing education, expert opinion, and long term solutions. Even the manner in which I was let go was off color. However, it ended up being the push I needed to get out of a place that I felt stuck in. I didn’t realize that at the time, of course. I had just lost my job, right before Christmas, and hope for the future was dim.

I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, or even what I wanted to do. I knew that the training studio wasn’t meant to be a career in itself, more of a stepping stone, but I had never put too much much thought into it. I just knew that I loved working with people, building relationships, and showing them they are more capable than they think. I knew that I wanted to continue to do this in some capacity, but more on my terms than anyone else’s. So I decided to take a break, a small “vacation,” and give myself time to come up with a gameplan.

In late December, maybe even within the first few days of January of 2020, I showed up at the gym to train like any other day. But on this particular day, I met a beautiful young woman that would undoubtedly change my life for the better. I’ll never forget that day. I walked into the gym to find this small but mighty looking woman with dark curly hair that I’ve never met before, sitting on the ground performing “windshield wipers” as a warm up. Of course, I rolled my eyes. She was speaking with my coach, Kevin, about an upcoming meet he was competing in. I learned that she was going to handle him and wrap his knees. I was intrigued, mostly due to the fact that I know Kevin respects and trusts maybe five coaches in the entire world.

I had heard Soph’s name in passing before. An elite single ply lifter that is well respected by many members of the powerlifting community, members that I am proud to call my friends and teammates. We didn’t really speak much at the gym that day. Just an introduction and some small talk. At the time, I didn’t know how much that name, and the person attached to it, would come to mean to me.

Kevin’s meet was on January 5th, pre-pandemic, and it was a packed house. PPS was there in large numbers as usual, showing up to support our coach, our fellow lifter’s, and the community as a whole. This was the first time I had a real conversation with Sophia. We talked about life, and training. I told her about being let go from my job, and the frustrations that both preceded and proceeded that event. Ironically, she told me how she had just moved from Boston to Connecticut for her dream job. We truly hit it off. I felt so comfortable speaking with her. She was easy to talk to, genuinely listened, and was thoughtful in her responses. It didn’t take long for us to become nearly inseparable, even being two hours away from one another.

However, I was still unemployed and unsure of what to do. COVID-19 had yet to emerge, and I was itching to get back to coaching. I found a great gym that was hiring and applied. I got the job but within a month we were shut down. This was a pretty surreal experience. Confined to our homes, businesses being shut down, schools being closed, face coverings mandated, protesters filling the streets, conspiracy theories on the rise. All of this happening during one of the most significant election years in history. I’m sure I’m not the only one that thinks 2020 has had a very apocalyptic feel to it.

I continued working from home, hosting Zoom training, writing blogs, anything to keep busy. This was vastly different than being in the gym everyday. Sitting in front of a laptop for 6–8 hours a day wasn't something I was used to, and the next few months would be spent trying to keep my sanity intact. When gyms re-opened, I was immediately back to coaching in-person. However, this was a far cry from resembling anything “normal.” With everyone fresh out of quarantine, people were timid and cautious, unsure whether it was even safe to leave their homes. Not without reason of course, but it made for awkward interactions with clients. Not shaking hands, staying socially distanced, looking at each other like ten gallon drums of toxic waste. Let’s not even mention the political climate we are currently facing. It has been a helluva year, and not necessarily in a good way.

But, this year also shown us what we are made of, whether positive or negative. It has highlighted our strengths and weaknesses and shown us what we are capable of, or, limited to, both as individuals and as part of the larger picture. We’ve witnessed selfishness and selflessness, greed and generosity, indolence and persistence. I’ve questioned my beliefs, my morals, and my values. I’ve questioned my intentions and the intentions of others. But, despite all of the bad, there have been many silver linings.

I found the love of my life, a woman who I am proud to call my partner. We started a business, Collaborative Strength, and we are currently looking to buy a home together. This is what I’ve been dreaming about for the last few years, and it’s finally starting to come true, ironically, during the worst year in the last century. I’ve always wanted to work for myself, and I’m finally getting the opportunity. Ever since I started powerlifting, I’ve wanted nothing more than to grow my own team, again, getting the opportunity. And being able to do it with someone you love, who shares similar passions, is the most amazing opportunity of all.